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Ladies, I think we can all agree that as we get older loneliness is the worst – right after unwanted facial hair growth, and the unacceptable combination of gray hair and adult acne. If you’re in the San Francisco area, there is a start up that may have just what you need! For the loneliness, not the gut-wrenching changes your body is experiencing without your permission. You’re on your own with that.

Dalal Khajah and Josephine Wai Lin , the entrepreneurial brains behind ManServants, know what women really want. According their website, “It’s not a stripper who gets naked and rubs his greasy body all over you. It’s a ManServant: a gentleman who treats you like a queen.” Now, I know what you’re thinking – “fancy male prostitutes, tight!” I am so sorry, but you are WRONG. ManServants are not gigilos, escorts, or hookers. They are simply custom ordered men you can hire to fulfill your needs that aren’t sexual – unless attending a baseball game with a stranger or an anonymous man serving you pool-side drinks is a sex-thing for you, in which case they will be fulfilling some very sexual needs.

The premise is simple, go to the website (, decide what his name will be, what he should look like, what he should be knowledgeable in, and what you specifically want him to do while you’re paying him and BOOM, you’ve got yourself a ManServant for the cost-effective base price of $125 an hour. If I weren’t currently getting my habitate on in Georgia, I’d order one for myself. He would be swarthy, he would be able to juggle AND cut hair, and he would whisper Fall Out Boy lyrics to me in Dothraki. This is my manservant fantasy, damnit! Don’t you judge me!

This honestly seems like a colossal (and awkward) waste of time and money. I mean, I get it – having a piece of arm candy who is programmed to do whatever you want might be fun for a little while, but I also think it would get real weird, real quick. I don’t think I could ever forget that this is a person playing a character I created – like an ultimate improv performance where the audience is just me and I’m paying an exorbitant amount of money to make someone do something that probably makes them feel weird. I’m gonna pass, but if you’re in San Francisco and looking for a good time, check it out. I am confident they have the ManServant of your dreams, as long as you are willing to pay for it.